~Scene : A generic, open-plan call centre office, somewhere in the UK: ~
[Aphex Twin playing in the background]
Customer Advisor (CA): Hello, it’s Laura… how can I help you?
Customer: I would like to place an order please.
CA: Fine! Have you ordered from us before?
Customer: I think I ordered some frogs, a marrow and some biscuits.
CA: [Typing in background] Ah yes I can see you did. Also you ordered a day of splashing about in a local pond. Did you enjoy that?
Customer: Yes I did.
CA: Good! We can also augment your pond experience with an inflatable lilly pad. Would you like one?
Customer: Yes please.
CA: Good! And for the rest of today’s order…
Customer: I would like a dose of badgers, please. And perhaps a concrete snail.
CA: Marvellous! And anything else?
Customer: Well my car is having trouble starting in the mornings, so I would like a complementary llama.
And… a recurring dream... When I was a child I used to dream of singing with Alanis Morrisette. [Pause] There needs to be a red phonebox in the dream.
CA: Yes, we can arrange that for you. There will be an extra fee for Alanis... Royalties, you understand.
Customer: Yes of course.
CA: Anything else?
Customer: A box of lightbulbs, please. They... they must be smashed. Completely broken. And I would like a life-size hologram of David Hasselhoff.
CA: Done!
Customer: Thank you!
[Scene fades out]
[Ends]